It's really strange to hear your child is anything less than perfect. Strange to imagine what life would be like for him. Strange to imagine me saying, "he's autistic" when trying to help someone understand his unique behavior. And even more strange to imagine the perspective of the stranger, "Ohhhhhhh. Now I see".
Go away, shitty thoughts.
And here's the zinger!! I did everything in my power to NOT have autistic kids. Yep. I planned it out. I could have written a book, "Common pitfalls. A guide to an Autism free pregnancy". I ate all organic shit. I avoided any and all medications. I planned on a natural pregnancy (who knows what that crazy pitocin does...the incidence of Autism did seem to coincide with the increase in epidurals and c-sections...there of course is no medical research supporting any of this). I didn't allow the immunization at the hospital AND I spaced out all their immunizations. So, screw you universe. I guess I could have eaten absolutely anything I wanted, had a pain-free labor and delivery AND given all those stupid shots at once.
I can't worry about his future too much because I will drive myself crazy. And I still don't think he's autistic. I really do think he is going to be fine. So, what now? Well, today I made an appointment for a speech evaluation. I'm working on "floortime" stuff, which is basically just sitting with him and encouraging him to interact with me (which he does already). I'm hopeful. Hopeful that he will be just fine. That he will start talking and all this will fade away. That I can tell stores about how everyone thought he was autistic when he was two years old. And as a successful adult Niko will say, "Mom, why do you tell that story all the time!?!?!?!". So hopeful....
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
It's all fun and games until someone ends up Autistic
Warning - some strong language
I know I've joked around a lot about my son seeing a doctor who specializes Autism. His first visit went ok. Concerns about speech and language. No biggie. Didn't even recommend formal therapy, just a home program called "Talk To Me More", which is a little off-putting because the name itself suggests that I don't talk to my child enough. So, I did all the things they asked and we went back for a 3 month check up. This one didn't go as well. We went from a "very low level of concern" to things that were "very concerning". Some excerpts from the appointment that play in my head over and over again:
Does he do this a lot at home??? (insert a very concerned clinician....writing furiously after I say no)
Can he do these activities at home? (insert a very annoyed mom who does not set up testing scenarios at home)
He exhibits fleeting eye contact.
He gets mad so easily. He can't regulate his emotions.
Does he have difficulties with transitions?
These things are all components of THIS.
So, I finally ask, "what is THIS"? Her reply, "well, everyone nowadays is concerned with Autism".
For some reason I felt strangely calm. I guess I've just been waiting for someone to say it. To stop skirting the issue and just tell me what they're thinking. I left feeling ok. But, in typical Michelle fashion, I starting ruminating about it. And I've found myself teetering between two states.
1) Proactive, early intervention outcomes Mom
2) Conspiracy theorist, you can go fuck yourself Mom
Excuse the language. I'm not censoring.
I know I've joked around a lot about my son seeing a doctor who specializes Autism. His first visit went ok. Concerns about speech and language. No biggie. Didn't even recommend formal therapy, just a home program called "Talk To Me More", which is a little off-putting because the name itself suggests that I don't talk to my child enough. So, I did all the things they asked and we went back for a 3 month check up. This one didn't go as well. We went from a "very low level of concern" to things that were "very concerning". Some excerpts from the appointment that play in my head over and over again:
Does he do this a lot at home??? (insert a very concerned clinician....writing furiously after I say no)
Can he do these activities at home? (insert a very annoyed mom who does not set up testing scenarios at home)
He exhibits fleeting eye contact.
He gets mad so easily. He can't regulate his emotions.
Does he have difficulties with transitions?
These things are all components of THIS.
So, I finally ask, "what is THIS"? Her reply, "well, everyone nowadays is concerned with Autism".
For some reason I felt strangely calm. I guess I've just been waiting for someone to say it. To stop skirting the issue and just tell me what they're thinking. I left feeling ok. But, in typical Michelle fashion, I starting ruminating about it. And I've found myself teetering between two states.
1) Proactive, early intervention outcomes Mom
2) Conspiracy theorist, you can go fuck yourself Mom
Excuse the language. I'm not censoring.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
I won a "you're pretty funny" award. Yay!
http://leighvslaundry.blogspot.com/2012/11/winner-masquerade-edition.html
I imagine there is a way to make this link live, but my technical skills do not match my funny skills so this lame link will have to do.
I imagine there is a way to make this link live, but my technical skills do not match my funny skills so this lame link will have to do.
Season 2 Episode 11 - Judge, Jury, Executioner
Daryl roughing up the new kid. Kid reveals that his crew is ruthless. Rick wants him dead. Again, should have left him for dead in the first place.
1) Shane makes weird mouth movements.
2) Carl sneaks in the barn with Randall, the new kid. Will these parents keep a fucking eye on their kids. WTF?????
3) Now Carl is wandering....aimlessly. Will somebody PLEASE supervise him.
4) Carl calls Sophia's mom an idiot.
5) Carl took a gun from Daryl's bag and is going back in the woods ALONE!!!!!! This is starting to annoy me. Attention writers - I don't give a shit how lax parents are...in a world full of zombies a parent WOULD NOT let their kid explore in the effing woods alone. Fix this stupid flaw in your story.
6) What do you know. Carl stumbles upon a freaking zombie in the woods. Extremely irritated. Go ahead and eat him, zombie. Teach your dipshit parents a lesson.
7) Group taking a vote on the kid's life. Dale is extremely disappointed with the group. Dale makes a good point. Why did you save him, Rick???????
8) Hell has frozen over. Andrea agrees with Dale.
9) I have decided that I'm not fond of Lori.
10) Dale... :(
1) Shane makes weird mouth movements.
2) Carl sneaks in the barn with Randall, the new kid. Will these parents keep a fucking eye on their kids. WTF?????
3) Now Carl is wandering....aimlessly. Will somebody PLEASE supervise him.
4) Carl calls Sophia's mom an idiot.
5) Carl took a gun from Daryl's bag and is going back in the woods ALONE!!!!!! This is starting to annoy me. Attention writers - I don't give a shit how lax parents are...in a world full of zombies a parent WOULD NOT let their kid explore in the effing woods alone. Fix this stupid flaw in your story.
6) What do you know. Carl stumbles upon a freaking zombie in the woods. Extremely irritated. Go ahead and eat him, zombie. Teach your dipshit parents a lesson.
7) Group taking a vote on the kid's life. Dale is extremely disappointed with the group. Dale makes a good point. Why did you save him, Rick???????
8) Hell has frozen over. Andrea agrees with Dale.
9) I have decided that I'm not fond of Lori.
10) Dale... :(
Season 2 Episode 10 - 18 Miles Out
What the hell! What a start. Rick, Shane and new kid being overrun by zombies. Shane finds refuge in a bus. Kid has hands tied behind his back and is scooting on the ground towards a knife. Rick has a bloody nose and is running about. Beginning credits roll.
1) Rick and Shane have a heart to heart about his psychosis. Shane fesses up about Otis.
2) Teenage kid tied up in the back of the SUV. They are driving 18 miles out...to dump him I assume. Rick should have let me die. He's a dead man walking on his own. Poor kid.
3) Maggie's sister has rejoined the living.
4) Rick decides to drive in town to give the kid a better shot. Rick is starting to annoy me (sorry Tanya). If you're gonna save someone then go all the way. Don't get him all fixed up and then desert him.
5) Uh-oh. New kid knows Maggie. Knows where the farm is. Rick is conflicted AGAIN. Shane is convinced Rick can't keep his family safe. Shane attempts to shoot teenager. Rick and Shane get into it. Shane throws a huge tool thing through a window and wakes up zombie commune inside. Zombies pursuing Shane. Rick hiding under one he just killed. Teenager frantically trying to cut the ties on his hands and ankles. Escapes last second.
6) Maggie's sister on suicide watch.
7) Andrea and Lori fighting.
8) Zombie sandwich piled up on Rick. Shane having a hard time keeping zombies at bay. Back at the farm, people are taking turns trying to talk Maggie's sister out of committing suicide.
9) It appeared that Rick was gonna leave Shane, but in usual Rick fashion he swoops in and saves the day.
10) Rick reinforces for Shane the rules and boundaries.
11) On drive back to farm Shane appears to understand.
End
1) Rick and Shane have a heart to heart about his psychosis. Shane fesses up about Otis.
2) Teenage kid tied up in the back of the SUV. They are driving 18 miles out...to dump him I assume. Rick should have let me die. He's a dead man walking on his own. Poor kid.
3) Maggie's sister has rejoined the living.
4) Rick decides to drive in town to give the kid a better shot. Rick is starting to annoy me (sorry Tanya). If you're gonna save someone then go all the way. Don't get him all fixed up and then desert him.
5) Uh-oh. New kid knows Maggie. Knows where the farm is. Rick is conflicted AGAIN. Shane is convinced Rick can't keep his family safe. Shane attempts to shoot teenager. Rick and Shane get into it. Shane throws a huge tool thing through a window and wakes up zombie commune inside. Zombies pursuing Shane. Rick hiding under one he just killed. Teenager frantically trying to cut the ties on his hands and ankles. Escapes last second.
6) Maggie's sister on suicide watch.
7) Andrea and Lori fighting.
8) Zombie sandwich piled up on Rick. Shane having a hard time keeping zombies at bay. Back at the farm, people are taking turns trying to talk Maggie's sister out of committing suicide.
9) It appeared that Rick was gonna leave Shane, but in usual Rick fashion he swoops in and saves the day.
10) Rick reinforces for Shane the rules and boundaries.
11) On drive back to farm Shane appears to understand.
End
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Season 2 Episode 9 - Triggerfinger
Episode starts with Laurie waking up in flipped car. With a zombie sticking his big face in the broken windshield. She gets away. Barely.
1) Group realizes Laurie is missing. Everyone starts freaking out, Carl included. He decides to run off and NO ONE runs after him. Yeah. Just let him run into the woods. That turned out well for the last kid. Wake up!!!
2) Outlaws have Rick, Glenn and Hershel trapped in the bar. Shoot-out ensues. Walkers surrounding the joint. Rick feels the need to save a teenage kid who was shooting at him 30 second prior.
3) Shane saves Laurie. Again. Now he can add another notch to the times he's saved her. Maybe he can bring that up again and win her over. I can totally see that working for him.
4) Shane is delusional. He thinks that Laurie was madly in love with him.
5) Maggie's sister is starting to freak me out. She needs to blink.
6) Dale needs to lay off Andrea. He's a pest. Don't get me wrong, I have no love for Andrea but find a hobby Dale.
7) Shane made a funny. For real. He's gonna get the new guy, Randall, some "candy and flowers". Ha!
8) Rick is making some weird choices.
9) Andrea and Shane are two peas in a pod.
10) Laurie tells Rick that Shane is delusional and scary. Show ends with Rick thinking intently about what she said. We're gonna have some reality TV Honey Boo Boo-like drama up in da house.
1) Group realizes Laurie is missing. Everyone starts freaking out, Carl included. He decides to run off and NO ONE runs after him. Yeah. Just let him run into the woods. That turned out well for the last kid. Wake up!!!
2) Outlaws have Rick, Glenn and Hershel trapped in the bar. Shoot-out ensues. Walkers surrounding the joint. Rick feels the need to save a teenage kid who was shooting at him 30 second prior.
3) Shane saves Laurie. Again. Now he can add another notch to the times he's saved her. Maybe he can bring that up again and win her over. I can totally see that working for him.
4) Shane is delusional. He thinks that Laurie was madly in love with him.
5) Maggie's sister is starting to freak me out. She needs to blink.
6) Dale needs to lay off Andrea. He's a pest. Don't get me wrong, I have no love for Andrea but find a hobby Dale.
7) Shane made a funny. For real. He's gonna get the new guy, Randall, some "candy and flowers". Ha!
8) Rick is making some weird choices.
9) Andrea and Shane are two peas in a pod.
10) Laurie tells Rick that Shane is delusional and scary. Show ends with Rick thinking intently about what she said. We're gonna have some reality TV Honey Boo Boo-like drama up in da house.
Season 2 Episode 8 - Nebraska
Vet has asked that Rick and his crew leave. Shane's unapologetic. Rick doubting himself. Dale shooting Shane dirty looks.
1) Funeral preparations - sad.
2) Andrea is riding on the dead zombie float. She is such a pompous ass.
3) Maggie pissed that Glenn is headed back into town to look for her Dad that is likely hitting up the local bar. Maggie's sister is in some weird catatonic state.
4) Dale tells Laurie that Shane sacrificed Otis. Laurie not buying it.
5) Why do these people always drive with their windows rolled down. Roll them up. Permanently.
6) Hey Hershel! How about you get that bottle to go.
7) Laurie on her way in town. With the windows DOWN. She didn't get the memo. She's also not paying attention and hits a walker, which is all fine in good until she looses control of the car and flips.
8) Rick must be tired. All the pep talks. All the time. The vet has lost all hope. Rick is pulling a "yes we can".
9) Rick, Glenn and the vet met some new friends at the bar. Something ain't right.
10) Yep. New friends no good. See you on the flip side.
End
1) Funeral preparations - sad.
2) Andrea is riding on the dead zombie float. She is such a pompous ass.
3) Maggie pissed that Glenn is headed back into town to look for her Dad that is likely hitting up the local bar. Maggie's sister is in some weird catatonic state.
4) Dale tells Laurie that Shane sacrificed Otis. Laurie not buying it.
5) Why do these people always drive with their windows rolled down. Roll them up. Permanently.
6) Hey Hershel! How about you get that bottle to go.
7) Laurie on her way in town. With the windows DOWN. She didn't get the memo. She's also not paying attention and hits a walker, which is all fine in good until she looses control of the car and flips.
8) Rick must be tired. All the pep talks. All the time. The vet has lost all hope. Rick is pulling a "yes we can".
9) Rick, Glenn and the vet met some new friends at the bar. Something ain't right.
10) Yep. New friends no good. See you on the flip side.
End
Monday, November 5, 2012
Season 2 - Episode 7 Pretty Much Dead Already
Glenn lets the cat out of the bag. "The barn is full of walkers!!!!"
1) Shane. Simmer down. Sophia could be alive.
2) You guys are getting the zombies excited. Simmer the fuck down!!!
3) Sophia's mom giving up hope. Didn't sit well with Daryl. Oops.
4) Shane pacing around the barn. This can't end well.
5) Rick told Shane Laurie is pregnant. Vet wants Rick's crew gone. Maggie is trying to talk sense into him. Yes, Maggie! You tell him! The "Asian boy" does in fact have a name. It's GLENN!!
6) Great move, Shane! Ask Laurie "who's saved your life more times". You know how to make a girl swoon.
7) Crazy ass vet!! Let's say we LEAVE the zombies in the quicksand.
8) Awwww, Glenn. Someone has a crush. Take that Maggie!!
9) Wow!!!! Shane completely lost it. Barn decontaminated.
RIP Sophia.
1) Shane. Simmer down. Sophia could be alive.
2) You guys are getting the zombies excited. Simmer the fuck down!!!
3) Sophia's mom giving up hope. Didn't sit well with Daryl. Oops.
4) Shane pacing around the barn. This can't end well.
5) Rick told Shane Laurie is pregnant. Vet wants Rick's crew gone. Maggie is trying to talk sense into him. Yes, Maggie! You tell him! The "Asian boy" does in fact have a name. It's GLENN!!
6) Great move, Shane! Ask Laurie "who's saved your life more times". You know how to make a girl swoon.
7) Crazy ass vet!! Let's say we LEAVE the zombies in the quicksand.
8) Awwww, Glenn. Someone has a crush. Take that Maggie!!
9) Wow!!!! Shane completely lost it. Barn decontaminated.
RIP Sophia.
Season 2 Episode 6 - Secrets
Thoughts from last show. Um. You might want to share that you have a zombie petting zoo in the barn. Youngsters like barns. Could have been disastrous!!! A-holes!
1) Feeding time for the zombies.
2) Poor Glenn. He wasn't lying when he said he was a shitty liar. And now he has the barn AND the adulteress to deal with.
3) Whatever, Andrea. Daryl doesn't want to hear your annoying apologies for being an idiot.
4) Oh goody. Let's waste ammo on target practice. Perfect. Pssst....Walkers...there's a scrawny, overconfident and incredibly annoying blond that I hear is so delicious. She takes pissy walks alone on occasion.
5) Oops. Shane went too far during target practice. Hey, Shane...you might want to keep your psychopathic thoughts to yourself.
6) Shane wants a search and rescue buddy (translation - human shield).
7) Glenn and Maggie attacked in the pharmacy while fetching "abortion pills". Hopefully they learned their lesson this time.
8) Andrea and Shane hooked up. Gross.
9) Rick's wife....come on....think with your head. Rick. You too!
10) Shane threatened the token old, wise guy. Psychopathic tendencies bubbling over.
End.
1) Feeding time for the zombies.
2) Poor Glenn. He wasn't lying when he said he was a shitty liar. And now he has the barn AND the adulteress to deal with.
3) Whatever, Andrea. Daryl doesn't want to hear your annoying apologies for being an idiot.
4) Oh goody. Let's waste ammo on target practice. Perfect. Pssst....Walkers...there's a scrawny, overconfident and incredibly annoying blond that I hear is so delicious. She takes pissy walks alone on occasion.
5) Oops. Shane went too far during target practice. Hey, Shane...you might want to keep your psychopathic thoughts to yourself.
6) Shane wants a search and rescue buddy (translation - human shield).
7) Glenn and Maggie attacked in the pharmacy while fetching "abortion pills". Hopefully they learned their lesson this time.
8) Andrea and Shane hooked up. Gross.
9) Rick's wife....come on....think with your head. Rick. You too!
10) Shane threatened the token old, wise guy. Psychopathic tendencies bubbling over.
End.
Live Blogging The Walking Dead - Trying to convince myself zombies are funny
I'm totally addicted to this show. It's a show I have no right being addicted to, given my high anxiety levels and fear of the most non-scary thinks (i.e., an elementary school haunted house). I am the biggest scaredy cat there ever was. My husband refuses to watch the show with me, so I'm left alone, on my couch, all the lights on, watching the show between my ring and middle finger. I watch huge portions of the show on mute, and expect my die-hard fan friends to fill me in on the details. I had decided to only watch during daylight hours, but with two little ones and a full-time job that wasn't feasible. So, here I am. Focusing on all the things about this show that bug me. Distracting myself from the real problem. SEASON TWO SPOILER ALERT!!
1) Why on earth would you have sex in a pharmacy, while your huge bait horses are dangling from a pole at front. I know they have to keep things interesting, but come on!!
2) I knew Rick's wife was knocked up!! I'm hoping that it's not the psychopaths baby. These people need to stop having sex!!! Babies and zombies don't mix!!! Get with the program, people!!
3) Oops. Arrow in the back for Daryl. Horse ran off. In a ravine. Things are not looking good. Well, he found his bow. A positive. Show is officially on mute.
4) Shane wants to call of the search. HUGE surprise!!
5) Daryl fell back down the hill. Crap.
6) This vet who owns the farm is grumpy.
7) Meryl's back. No. Take that back. It's a zombie trying to snack on Daryl's foot. No problem for Daryl. He's fine.
8) Andrea is a JACKASS!!! Way to shot Daryl, you fucking asshole!!! I think Andrea should be banished for her stupidity.
9) Grumpy vet is on to horny youngsters. uh-oh.
10) More sex being planned. Hayloft mystery unfolds. Oops. Stumbled upon a zombie slumber party.
Episode 5 over.
1) Why on earth would you have sex in a pharmacy, while your huge bait horses are dangling from a pole at front. I know they have to keep things interesting, but come on!!
2) I knew Rick's wife was knocked up!! I'm hoping that it's not the psychopaths baby. These people need to stop having sex!!! Babies and zombies don't mix!!! Get with the program, people!!
3) Oops. Arrow in the back for Daryl. Horse ran off. In a ravine. Things are not looking good. Well, he found his bow. A positive. Show is officially on mute.
4) Shane wants to call of the search. HUGE surprise!!
5) Daryl fell back down the hill. Crap.
6) This vet who owns the farm is grumpy.
7) Meryl's back. No. Take that back. It's a zombie trying to snack on Daryl's foot. No problem for Daryl. He's fine.
8) Andrea is a JACKASS!!! Way to shot Daryl, you fucking asshole!!! I think Andrea should be banished for her stupidity.
9) Grumpy vet is on to horny youngsters. uh-oh.
10) More sex being planned. Hayloft mystery unfolds. Oops. Stumbled upon a zombie slumber party.
Episode 5 over.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Didn't. Even. Flinch
Dear young man checking me out at HEB,
I would appreciate it if you would refrain from calling me ma'am. You could replace this with, "Hey. What's up?" or perhaps "Did you have a killer time on 6th street last night?". Just a suggestion.
And more importantly, when you scan an alcoholic beverage and a message pops up on your screen that says, "Is this person 30 or older?" you might want to pause...or glance up at me...or best case scenario ask for my ID. What you DON'T want to do is press "Y" at mock speed as if there is no doubt in your mind that I'm over 30.
Thanks in advance.
I would appreciate it if you would refrain from calling me ma'am. You could replace this with, "Hey. What's up?" or perhaps "Did you have a killer time on 6th street last night?". Just a suggestion.
And more importantly, when you scan an alcoholic beverage and a message pops up on your screen that says, "Is this person 30 or older?" you might want to pause...or glance up at me...or best case scenario ask for my ID. What you DON'T want to do is press "Y" at mock speed as if there is no doubt in your mind that I'm over 30.
Thanks in advance.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Day 1 YMCA daycare - Niko survived
I stayed the course and ventured out to the YMCA today, two kids in tow. Surprisingly Sami was a little nervous about it because she was going to miss me. Awwwwww. After some talks of bravery and treats she was all for it. Poor Niko had no idea what was coming. Little guy excitedly got on his shoes and ran out to the car (he loves car rides and going places).
So, after some shenanigans with the sign in process, which included ID cards for Niko and Sami we headed to the daycare. I was actually kind of glad that the kids got ID cards because this suggested that there was some sort of process and/or security guards (my preference) at the daycare entrance. Rewind a bit. The previous night I talked with my husband about dressing the kids in matching shirts and putting some sort of identifying trinket on them that would match something I had so there would be no confusion about which kid belonged to which parent. My poor husband just stared at me blankly and a subtly nodded his head (indicating no, crazy person). So, anyways we get to the daycare and there are no security guards. Two young girls are running the place and the one that removed the entrance baby gate (that I had hoped was a laser gate with retina scan) was maybe 15. I started cursing myself for not adding the trinket to the matching shirts (yes, they wore matching shirts). I introduced myself and inquired about the process. The process entailed signing the kids in on a generic sheet and placing their ID cards in a behavior chart thing. Luckily, there were only a couple kids so that made me feel better (less chance of mix-ups). They told me if Niko cried more than 10 minutes they would come and get me. I quickly shared my worry about mix-ups and/or possible kidnapping and they laughed and that somehow made me feel better. I bid them farewell and told them I'd see them in about 10 minutes. Niko was oblivious when I left...playing with a kitchen set. I figured this was the best way to leave him.
So, I saunter out to the swimming pool, which is also not crowded. I'm feeling so proud of myself. I did it! I left the kids in a low-security gym daycare and I walked away. And my swim was AWESOME. Pretty early into my workout I thought, "Why haven't I done this sooner!". And then the 10 minute mark passed. I figured "Hmmmmmm. I guess he's doing ok". Then I see the elder girl (maybe 19) walk out to the pool with him. This is kind of bad but I dove underwater super fast. Isn't that horrible! I didn't think about it...I just did it. Hiding from the barely legal teenager and more importantly Niko. Anyways, while I'm bobbing up and down like an idiot I realize that she is just bringing him outside....probably to calm him down. And this was the moment I really liked her (not like I hated her before). She was making an effort to help my little guy. And she seemed to know what she was doing.
I finished up my swim and realized I didn't bring a towel. Nice. Had to throw in a wrench somewhere. However, some nice lady let me borrow hers in the locker room (wrench undone). When I returned to the daycare (40 minutes later) there was little Niko looking clinically depressed in the arms of the elder. When he saw me he started crying and likely thought in toddler-speak, "You mean. I hate you. Where is Dad?". Nonetheless, we all left unscathed. I am so proud of myself and my kids Especially Sami who takes it all in stride and is so patient with me.
Score:
low security daycare - 1
my neurotic, anxious self - 0.
So, after some shenanigans with the sign in process, which included ID cards for Niko and Sami we headed to the daycare. I was actually kind of glad that the kids got ID cards because this suggested that there was some sort of process and/or security guards (my preference) at the daycare entrance. Rewind a bit. The previous night I talked with my husband about dressing the kids in matching shirts and putting some sort of identifying trinket on them that would match something I had so there would be no confusion about which kid belonged to which parent. My poor husband just stared at me blankly and a subtly nodded his head (indicating no, crazy person). So, anyways we get to the daycare and there are no security guards. Two young girls are running the place and the one that removed the entrance baby gate (that I had hoped was a laser gate with retina scan) was maybe 15. I started cursing myself for not adding the trinket to the matching shirts (yes, they wore matching shirts). I introduced myself and inquired about the process. The process entailed signing the kids in on a generic sheet and placing their ID cards in a behavior chart thing. Luckily, there were only a couple kids so that made me feel better (less chance of mix-ups). They told me if Niko cried more than 10 minutes they would come and get me. I quickly shared my worry about mix-ups and/or possible kidnapping and they laughed and that somehow made me feel better. I bid them farewell and told them I'd see them in about 10 minutes. Niko was oblivious when I left...playing with a kitchen set. I figured this was the best way to leave him.
So, I saunter out to the swimming pool, which is also not crowded. I'm feeling so proud of myself. I did it! I left the kids in a low-security gym daycare and I walked away. And my swim was AWESOME. Pretty early into my workout I thought, "Why haven't I done this sooner!". And then the 10 minute mark passed. I figured "Hmmmmmm. I guess he's doing ok". Then I see the elder girl (maybe 19) walk out to the pool with him. This is kind of bad but I dove underwater super fast. Isn't that horrible! I didn't think about it...I just did it. Hiding from the barely legal teenager and more importantly Niko. Anyways, while I'm bobbing up and down like an idiot I realize that she is just bringing him outside....probably to calm him down. And this was the moment I really liked her (not like I hated her before). She was making an effort to help my little guy. And she seemed to know what she was doing.
I finished up my swim and realized I didn't bring a towel. Nice. Had to throw in a wrench somewhere. However, some nice lady let me borrow hers in the locker room (wrench undone). When I returned to the daycare (40 minutes later) there was little Niko looking clinically depressed in the arms of the elder. When he saw me he started crying and likely thought in toddler-speak, "You mean. I hate you. Where is Dad?". Nonetheless, we all left unscathed. I am so proud of myself and my kids Especially Sami who takes it all in stride and is so patient with me.
Score:
low security daycare - 1
my neurotic, anxious self - 0.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Habitat for MySanity
3) Hire baby-sitters and stop relying so heavily on family. Again, increasing his exposure to new people.
 |
| I'm too cute to be stinky. |
Took the kiddos on an outing today. Met up with some friends at the Austin Science and Nature Center. Really cool place. And it's donation based, so affordable too. Today I found myself thinking, "Where did I go wrong with my kids?". Not so much my older one, but my younger son. I'm considering renting a habitat at the Nature Center. Maybe right next to the wild cats. I think he'd fit right in!!!!
It's really hard not to compare yourself to other parents, or your children to other kids. Most of the time I find myself making excuses for my kids' behavior...an off day or an unfamiliar setting. But with my younger one it's pretty darn constant. He fusses. He cries. He clings. New day...he fusses...he cries...he clings.
Here's where I may have gone wrong:
1) Way overprotective when he was young. Minimized outings to reduce exposure to germs. Well, now that's I've typed that I'm realizing he's simply expressing my DNA. Lovely.
2) Didn't put him in daycare. My mom lives nearby and takes care of him, which is AWESOME because she is the sweetest and most nurturing person on the face of the earth. However, refer to #1 and multiply by 200.
3) I have minimized outings in general due to my lack of patience and his persistent misbehavior. I'm realizing that this has probably only added to the problem. Sigh.
My fix-it plan:
1) Sign up for a membership at the YMCA, which offers childcare for 1.5 hours at a time. My plan is to drop him and his older sister off quickly, apologize and run in the opposite directions. Does that sound harsh? Goal - to expose him to unfamiliar environments and get him ready for daycare in the fall.
2) Continue to take him on outings, knowing that I'm going to be frequently embarrassed. What I'd really like to do is take him to a restaurant (kid friendly with lots of tolerant parents around), strap him in a high chair and not remove him from it until he finishes a reasonable amount of food. This, of course, would involve a lot of screaming and tears (him screaming and me crying).
3) Hire baby-sitters and stop relying so heavily on family. Again, increasing his exposure to new people.
4) Stop worrying that everyone thinks I'm a bad parent or that my son is feral (and should be returned to the wild).
Knowing my neurotic self I will not do all of these, but I'm really liking #1 and #2.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
I swear I'm not autistic!
At Niko's 18 month check up my pediatrician recommended that he see a developmental pediatrician. In typical Michelle fashion, I inquired about her "concerns" but never really got the nitty-gritty on where she was coming from. I love our pediatrician and I'm trying to make a concerted effort to value her expertise and not question every, single decision she makes. So, I took the doctor's number and bid her farewell.
Fast forward to the next day, when I'm obsessing over her "concerns". I talk to a colleague and mention the specialist's name. To my surprise I find out that this doc specializes in autism. In initial reaction is, "What? Niko is not autistic! Not even a little!". However, slowly but surely those little doubts enter my mind. Oh my God! What if Niko is autistic. What if all my friends think so but are afraid to tell me. Holy hell. Niko is totally autistic. Shit!
So, I make the dreaded phone call to the specialist's office. Mid conversation I realize I'm trying really hard to show the appointment clerk that I'm not autistic. Here's the conversation, with a dash of Michelle drama added:
Office: Hi, you've reached the center for severely autistic children. How can I help you today?
Me: I need to make an appointment for my son.
Office: Ok, what's going on with your son?
Me: Um....well, funny you ask...well it's not funny it's just that I don't have any concerns. His doctor does.
Office: (office realizes I'm in total denial and makes a note in the chart). Ok. Did she mention what she was concerned about?
Me: Not really. She said he's not talking as much as she would like and she felt like his older sister was more interactive at this age.
Office: I see (writes in chart - this kid is totally autistic). So, she is maybe concerned with a speech delay?
Me: I guess. It's such a pretty day. (trying to be social and demonstrate my interest in two-way conversations)
Office: What? Oh, yes. It is. (makes another note in chart that mom is socially awkward) Any way, would like like to see Dr. Fasci or the nurse practitioner, Dr. Stoner?
Me: The nurse practitioner's name is Dr. Stoner? That's funny. (again demonstrating my understanding of subtle humor) Like S-T-O-N-E-R?
Office: silence followed by an annoyed "Yes".
Me: Well. You know. That's a weird name for a.....well, it's not weird just kind of funny. Long sigh. I guess we'll go with whoever can see him first (Beating my head on my desk. She totally thinks I'm autistic. I'm such an idiot!!!!!!!!)
Office: (rambles off dates and times)
Me: (Now, trying to demonstrate my flexibility and tone modulation abilities). Oh, it doesn't matter. I guess whoever can see him first.
Office: Ok. Dr. Stoner is available first.
Me: Well, if the doctor said Dr. Fasci maybe I should see her. (crap, that's being inflexible) No, nevermind. We will be fine with Dr. Stoner. Well...is she housed somewhere different than Dr. F? Cause I live in central Austin and if Dr. F is at Dell Children's and Dr. F is somewhere else maybe I should go with Dr. F?
Office: silence (making copious notes that I am a pain in the ass and indecisive and awkward and switch from low tones to high tones while speaking).
Me: (totally defeated) Dr. Stoner is fine.
Office: Ok. We'll see you and your autistic son on ______.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Sneak Peek - Sweet Little Collin
Monday, March 12, 2012
Lost and Found
So, while I was moving couches to vacuum under them, I stumbled upon about 10 small toys. All of them dusty and forgotten. Many of these toys were once adored by Sami and Niko. Played with on a daily basis. I'm sure at some point in time we spent an hour or two looking for them, but like most things...they were forgotten. Before I fished them from the cat hair and dirt, I took a couple pictures. For some strange-ass reason, it was a poignant moment. It made me stop and think about all the cool things we forgot about ourselves while were busy parenting, cooking, cleaning, guiding, scolding, sighing...you get my drift. Like Allie from The Notebook saying, "I used to paint!". I realize Allie had no children and was being courted by two hot guys...she really had it tough. But regardless, other things used to define me. Not to down play the awesomeness of being a mom, but I feel like all the other stuff hopped on a rail car and never looked back. And that makes me a little sad.
I read a blog last night about a successful career woman who was leaving her profession to do the most important job in His eyes...raising a child. I did find it a little suspect that she was married to a pastor, and I'm guessing someone was whispering His wishes into her ear and she slept (rude thought...yes...I know). The thing that bothered me about the post was this - the women seemed really conflicted about the decision. Like she was trying to convince herself as she wrote it. Trying to convince herself that she's can't be both. A professional and a mother.
I know this is hard for a lot of people. Finding balance. Nourishing yourself so you can nurture your little ones. That's the way I look at it. Is my attention 100% where it should be? Probably not. Could I spend more time with my kids and less time obsessing over my hobbies? Sure. Am I harming my kids by continuing a personal journey while I raise them? I really don't think so. I hope they will learn to nurture their own interests the same way. But I also hope they don't hate me for it.
So, like those long, lost forgotten toys. Today I stopped and spent some time nourishing my artistic side. Albeit in the form of rearranging furniture and taking pictures of hairballs and hot wheels. Nonetheless, my soul smiled. And when I picked up my kids from daycare my day reached perfection.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Who do you feed?
I love inspirational quotes. A friend of mine posted this on facebook, and I must say I was inspired. I've been trying to apply this to my everyday life. Trying to feed the good and starve the bad. Well, today I decided to go shopping on Superbowl Sunday. Probably not the best idea in the world, but hey, I can totally handle this. My mantra - feed the good...feed the good...feed the good.
What actually took place:
Jackass honking at me while I waited for my parking place.
Me - "oh yeah, shitbag, you can stick it up your ass you piece of shit" (while on the phone with a friend, my apologies, Jules)
Very angry man squeezing his way through gridlock carts, who seriously looked like he was going to lose it.
Me - Well, after witnessing that I'm doing pretty darn good over here. Yes - feed that good wolf or dog or coyote or whatever the wise man said. Score!
Now I'm realizing it's getting late and I need to get the kids down for nap soon. Uh oh! Bad mood is enroaching. No! We're doing good. Michelle. Calm. What about counting....yeah....try counting. While counting an intrusive thought makes it past the good dog and all the goodness - your house is a mess, you're going to have to make room in the fridge for all this food you're buying, and then all the 3 month old food has to be dealt with, and then all the glassware needs to be powerwashed....UGH!!!!
Bad wolf winning!
Me - Ok, ok. Good wolf. Here is some yummy food. See. Doesn't it look delicious? Mmmmm. Eat some and then you'll be replenished and balance will be restored in the world.
Good wolf (as played in my head) - No, thanks. I don't want any.
Me - No, but it's really good. Here. Just have a bite. You'll like it, I swear.
Good wolf - No! (a la sassy toddler style)
Me - Eat. It.
Good wolf - Hurls the plate of good karma across the table, reminding me of yet another chore I need to get to.
Me - You. Little. Bastard.
Bad wolf wins.
You see, I try and feed the good wolf. I really do. But I'm really thinking my good wolf has an eating disorder.
And my bad wolf. She is morbidly obese.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Body Pimp
I experienced an hour of WTF moments at 24 hour fitness today. It was my first group exercise class. Getting back in the groove. Body Pump here I come!
What I saw for the next hour was a full on freak show. From the jackass skipping (literally) around the room in an exaggerated fashion (warm up?) to the young lady to my left wearing ear plugs...I'm thinking WTF? Once the music started I better understood the ear plugs. Class started with an edgy techno number. I'm not a big fan of techno music. It has its time and place. With the time being 2:30am and the place being a cheesy bar with college boys humping their neighbor. Now, layer over the techno the instructor yelling into her headset, "We're goin' in!". WTF moment #1
The next song was a hip hop number. This gem sounded like it was written by Mindy Elliot, Missy Elliot's twin sister who at a young age was adopted by two white professors. Mindy likely acquired her dope rhyming skills at a weekend church retreat. WTF moment #2
The next, my favorite, is a cover of Eye of the Tiger. WHY would anyone COVER this song? Just play the original. It's not hard. Just record over your shitty cover and press play. Please. WTF moment #3
Next best moment was when Blue Steel girl accidentally bumped earplug girl with her barbell. Earplug girl had mini hissy. Blue Steel girl was completely oblivious and quickly returned to her glamour shot practice.
Class was saved with abs and Adele.
Why do gym exercise class instructors have such shitty taste in music? It's an epidemic.
What I saw for the next hour was a full on freak show. From the jackass skipping (literally) around the room in an exaggerated fashion (warm up?) to the young lady to my left wearing ear plugs...I'm thinking WTF? Once the music started I better understood the ear plugs. Class started with an edgy techno number. I'm not a big fan of techno music. It has its time and place. With the time being 2:30am and the place being a cheesy bar with college boys humping their neighbor. Now, layer over the techno the instructor yelling into her headset, "We're goin' in!". WTF moment #1
The next song was a hip hop number. This gem sounded like it was written by Mindy Elliot, Missy Elliot's twin sister who at a young age was adopted by two white professors. Mindy likely acquired her dope rhyming skills at a weekend church retreat. WTF moment #2
The next, my favorite, is a cover of Eye of the Tiger. WHY would anyone COVER this song? Just play the original. It's not hard. Just record over your shitty cover and press play. Please. WTF moment #3
Next best moment was when Blue Steel girl accidentally bumped earplug girl with her barbell. Earplug girl had mini hissy. Blue Steel girl was completely oblivious and quickly returned to her glamour shot practice.
Class was saved with abs and Adele.
Why do gym exercise class instructors have such shitty taste in music? It's an epidemic.
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