At Niko's 18 month check up my pediatrician recommended that he see a developmental pediatrician. In typical Michelle fashion, I inquired about her "concerns" but never really got the nitty-gritty on where she was coming from. I love our pediatrician and I'm trying to make a concerted effort to value her expertise and not question every, single decision she makes. So, I took the doctor's number and bid her farewell.
Fast forward to the next day, when I'm obsessing over her "concerns". I talk to a colleague and mention the specialist's name. To my surprise I find out that this doc specializes in autism. In initial reaction is, "What? Niko is not autistic! Not even a little!". However, slowly but surely those little doubts enter my mind. Oh my God! What if Niko is autistic. What if all my friends think so but are afraid to tell me. Holy hell. Niko is totally autistic. Shit!
So, I make the dreaded phone call to the specialist's office. Mid conversation I realize I'm trying really hard to show the appointment clerk that I'm not autistic. Here's the conversation, with a dash of Michelle drama added:
Office: Hi, you've reached the center for severely autistic children. How can I help you today?
Me: I need to make an appointment for my son.
Office: Ok, what's going on with your son?
Me: Um....well, funny you ask...well it's not funny it's just that I don't have any concerns. His doctor does.
Office: (office realizes I'm in total denial and makes a note in the chart). Ok. Did she mention what she was concerned about?
Me: Not really. She said he's not talking as much as she would like and she felt like his older sister was more interactive at this age.
Office: I see (writes in chart - this kid is totally autistic). So, she is maybe concerned with a speech delay?
Me: I guess. It's such a pretty day. (trying to be social and demonstrate my interest in two-way conversations)
Office: What? Oh, yes. It is. (makes another note in chart that mom is socially awkward) Any way, would like like to see Dr. Fasci or the nurse practitioner, Dr. Stoner?
Me: The nurse practitioner's name is Dr. Stoner? That's funny. (again demonstrating my understanding of subtle humor) Like S-T-O-N-E-R?
Office: silence followed by an annoyed "Yes".
Me: Well. You know. That's a weird name for a.....well, it's not weird just kind of funny. Long sigh. I guess we'll go with whoever can see him first (Beating my head on my desk. She totally thinks I'm autistic. I'm such an idiot!!!!!!!!)
Office: (rambles off dates and times)
Me: (Now, trying to demonstrate my flexibility and tone modulation abilities). Oh, it doesn't matter. I guess whoever can see him first.
Office: Ok. Dr. Stoner is available first.
Me: Well, if the doctor said Dr. Fasci maybe I should see her. (crap, that's being inflexible) No, nevermind. We will be fine with Dr. Stoner. Well...is she housed somewhere different than Dr. F? Cause I live in central Austin and if Dr. F is at Dell Children's and Dr. F is somewhere else maybe I should go with Dr. F?
Office: silence (making copious notes that I am a pain in the ass and indecisive and awkward and switch from low tones to high tones while speaking).
Me: (totally defeated) Dr. Stoner is fine.
Office: Ok. We'll see you and your autistic son on ______.
